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Tuesday, June 11, 2013

The end of mean girls




This morning I was scrolling down my news feed on Facebook and came across this video by Laci Green on Upworthy. After watching it, I felt the need to write a blog post about it, as it really struck a cord with me.

Not entirely sure if I have ever mentioned this here on my blog, but I was bullied for pretty much all of the 9 years of primary and secondary school. It stopped only after I moved on to the upper secondary school. So I have experienced girl hate, as Laci Green put it on her video, first hand.

I do not want to turn this into a heart wrenching story that will make you reach for the nearest tissue box or a bowl of ice cream. I was bullied, it made me feel absolutely miserable about myself and the mental scars are still there, but I got over it, for the most part. I can thank D and my best friends for that. So just like girls/women can be unbelievably cruel to each other, we can be supportive to each other as well. We can help each other grow into the people we were always meant to be. Not just us girls, boys/men too.

As Laci Green mentions on her video, we have a lot of pressure on us these days. The pressure to be pretty, smart, successful, driven, sexy, independent, the perfect girlfriend/wife/mother, and all those other things we are told to be is a heavy burden. It is enough to make anyone snap. Depression, eating disorders, you name it, are killing people every year. Literally. We are bombarded by messages telling us that we are not good enough.

To make things even worse, it is not some alien enemy telling us these things. We tell each other that we are not good enough. Why do we spend the time and energy on putting on our make-up and choosing the perfect outfit before we head out the door? We do it because if we do not, someone else, most probably a woman, will either say something, or judge us by just looking at us. Well, that is what we think. Probably because there always is that one person who will make us feel worse about ourselves for not being "good enough."

I never fit in. I never said the right things, never wore the right clothes, never could find the balance of being smart but not "too smart." I never could please others, no matter how much I tried. Instead of blaming the others, I blamed myself. I had simply failed, again. If I tried just one time more, maybe this time I would not fail and others would no longer shun me out. Of course, I never succeeded. I was never "good enough." The funny, or actually, the sad thing is, no-one ever told me those things in those exact words, well except for a few times. Still, somehow the message came across.

It was not until I met D that I started to realise that perhaps, as there was someone who saw so many good things in me, I was not that bad after all. Ever since I have been taking small steps on my journey to discover that perhaps I am good enough. Good enough the way I am. Not perfect, because there is no such thing, but good enough.

Watching the video I also realised something else. I realised that as much I have been trying to tell myself that I am good enough, I have not been telling myself that others are good enough as well, good enough the way they are. I should not judge when I see someone wear/do/say/like their thing. It may not be the same thing I would do, but they are not me. Their good enough is not my good enough, and there lies the whole point. We should never judge other people by our own standards because our standards are not theirs. We can not all fit into the same box, and why should we?

So, instead of trying to make others fit into our way of thinking, we should support and encourage them on their way to finding out just how amazing they are just because they are themselves. We should inspire others to love themselves because one can never truly love someone else before they have learnt to love themselves.

It is really that simple.

Learn to love yourself the way you are and learn to love others the way they are.

6 comments:

  1. Wat een mooi filmpje en helemaal waar. Ik herken het gevoel ook en denk dat vele meiden het hebben. Het is veel beter om positief naar elkaar te zijn!

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    1. Wat leuk dat jij hem ook leuk vond! Ik denk dat hier in de blog wereld moeten we ook soms ons herkennen dat het is oké om jezelf te zijn... Je hoeft niet zo veel lezers of likes te hebben als iemand anders heeft.. We zijn allemaal goed genoeg als we maar houden van wat we doen :)

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  2. Funny thing, I always thought how those bully things happen only in America, you know they're all completely nuts. :D
    But then I realized that the same thing had been happening to me! With almost every, duh, with EVERY close relation I had with a girl friend. So, weird and I think the worst way of psychological torture is when torturer is no one else but your closest friend! Like you said "being smart but not too smart" is exactly what's been happening with me in primary and secondary school. But in upper secondary school I met a girl friend which I had to hide from that I know something that she doesn't know. Like new word, for example. Or historical fact. Or anything. She was all "i know everything and I'm the smartest here". And tons of other weird things. She was the boss in our friendship. Luckily for me, there was no need of running away from her, she ran by herself! :D Of course, after she realized she'll never be goddess for me.
    About that girl from the video, I think she over reacted because that lady telling her "you think you know shit" sounds like nothing but a "dissapointed in life" person. I wouldn't cry over that, but you know I wasn't in her skin and not in that situation. AND FINALLY, my advice for you girl: get rid of those mental scars, you're far away from primary school, we have other fitting in criteria in the real world! And I know you're kind of person I would want to hang out with. ;)

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    1. Unfortunately, people are cruel to each other all over the world... and often those people we want to be friends with, people we want to impress, end up being the people who are the most cruel to us..

      I'm so glad you shared your story, I can totally relate to your experiences! I'm glad that you no longer have that person around you to make you feel bad about yourself. I don't think there's no need for you to hide who you truly are and all that you know. :)

      Also, you're totally right with your advice. I shouldn't think back to those times, it's been a long time and I've come a long way since then. I'm taking baby steps, and I really hope that one day I'll finally be completely over it.

      I'd love to hand out with you too girl! ♥

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